He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
