normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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