I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
