He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
