Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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