you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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