Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
