Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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