just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
