I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
