I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
