Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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