she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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