So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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