I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
