I puked a lego.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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