Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize