so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
