dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
