Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
