A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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