my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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