I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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