just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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