I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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