dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
