That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
