Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
