Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
