last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
