So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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