plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
