doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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