So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
