No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We left the knife in your bed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
