if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
