I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
