So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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