you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
