your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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