I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just cropdusted the office
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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