OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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