Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
