glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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