Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
