How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
