Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
