its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
