btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize