pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
