Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
