I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
