its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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