Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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