Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
