she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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