you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
