someone get that fucking seahorse.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
