Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
