There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
