That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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