Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
