Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just pee around me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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