I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
