New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
