i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize