He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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