Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
