So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
