Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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