apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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