I love black thongs
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
