Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
