He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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